Let’s Put an End to Offensive Names in American Football!


I’m an avid American Football fan. The Dallas Cowboys are my favorite team, so I have no love lost for the Washington Redskins. Having said that, the recent hoopla about the name “Redskins” has got me thinking, are they the only team in football with an offensive name? We wouldn’t want to single out one team without making sure all other offensive names were also removed.

The cardinal, found throughout the Americas. (@acuriousgal1)

For example, is it fair to our feathered friends to name violent football teams after birds? The Seattle Seahawks, Arizona Cardinals, Atlanta Falcons, and Baltimore Ravens all have offensive names. Where is PETA when you need them?

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Ravens, despite their scary-sounding name, are actually perching birds, not real predators, and cardinals, well they are just cute and cuddly; why do they deserve to be named in a violent sport?

Okay, those are animals not people. What about the names of teams that could be offensive to other people?

Well, how ’bout them Cowboys? Cowboys were crooks back in the day. A gang of violent thugs on the wrong side of Billy the Kid (or so the movie says). Isn’t the name “Cowboys” offensive to all white guys who wear cowboy hats and obey the law? How about modern-day farmhands who work hard to earn an honest day’s living? If I were a Cowboy, I would be deeply offended.

Speaking of the criminal mindset, what about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers? Are we to infer that all of the residents of Tampa are in fact swashbuckling pirates and drunken loons?

You also have the Kansas City Chiefs. Chiefs! If “Redskins” is offensive, what about the Chiefs? Shouldn’t that be offensive to all of the brave warriors who fought the European invasion, and to their wives and daughters who wept over them? And why name something after only the chiefs? The warriors deserve respect too.

The Chiefs just played against the New England Patriots on Monday Night Football. Patriots … think about it: the progressive mindset that is attacking the Redskins also can’t stand the Tea Party. Well, one big faction of the Tea Party is the Tea Party Patriots.

The New England team may be based in Boston, but their name encourages or even promotes the Tea Party ideology. Especially with all those Superbowl wins, this cannot stand! The Patriots must change their name to protect progressive thought, just like a spokesman for the Democratic National Committee recently called for scrapping the constitution, to protect the country from conservatives (no joke).

Down south we have the New Orleans Saints. Saints! There aren’t any saints in New Orleans, so how offensive must that be to Catholics? I once saw a sign that said, “Bourbon Street, beware of pickpockets and loose women!” No one goes to New Orleans to be saintly. They go to get stone-slobbering drunk and if lucky, get lucky.

The New Orleans Saints. How offensive must that be to Catholics! (@Saints)

Then you have the Dolphins of Miami. Aren’t we supposed to be saving the dolphins? How could a violent sport represent such a peaceful species?

What about the Jacksonville Jaguars? Well, no one really cares much about the Jaguars anyway.

Out west you’ve got the San Diego Chargers, Oakland Raiders, and the San Francisco 49ers. The Chargers are represented by a lightning bolt. Electricity lights our homes, but has also been used to execute human beings. I would think that all death-row inmates and those who oppose the death penalty would be offended by this.

And the 49ers? In honor of the poor strugglers who went to California looking for a fortune? How many were swindled, raped, murdered, and died in search of a dream that never came? How can you celebrate that?

I won’t even mention the Raiders, given how bad they are doing this season. They’ll probably thank me.

Up North we have the Chicago Bears, the Minnesota Vikings and the Green Bay Packers. Bears, In Chicago? Really? How many bears were displaced by the ever-expanding city of Chicago and its neighbors?

While there are many decedents of Scandinavians living in Minnesota, is it fair to true, rugged Vikings to lump them in with all those people living in comfy homes up north?

The Packers aren’t that offensive, except when they beat Dallas. I mean, we all agree that Green Bay is full of cheese heads right?

There are lots of other teams in the NFL and other professional and college sports with names we could pick on, but what is the point? Maybe that is the question I’m really asking. What is the point of changing the Redskins name after so many years? Why did this come up in the first place? Considering all the things we did to the Indians and all the real problems we face as a nation, changing the name would seem like the least important thing we could do.

One thing we could do is simply speak directly to the Native-American community and say something like, “Hey, um… I’m really sorry about the killing of your people and the theft of your lands. Those were really detestable actions.” Then we could get back to working on our nation’s problems and back to some football.

P.S. If you really care about freedom, why not help the people of Puerto Rico become a free and independent country? Sign the petition in English or in Spanish.

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