A Modest Proposal: Take the AOC No Emissions Pledge Today and Save Planet Earth
What would a zero-emissions world look like? We would have to get rid of hundreds of millions of cars, taxis, boats, planes, pieces of heavy machinery, and farm animals, just to begin with.
Do you support Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Green New Deal? Then, it’s time to take an important step in your own life: make a personal commitment to end your use of fossil fuels tomorrow.
Might that be a little hasty, you ask? Of course, not.
After all, the very existence of the human race depends on it.
Leading scientists, like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Beto O’Rourke, have confirmed this…just last month AOC said, for example, “The world is going to end in twelve years if we don’t address climate change.”
We can’t afford to wait eleven years and six months. Or eleven years. Or ten years. Or five years. That would be an insult to our children and grandchildren. No…we have to start TODAY.
Well, tomorrow at least.
So, if you care about living past 2030…join the lovers of humanity, and take the AOC No Emissions Pledge:
1. Go out tomorrow and have your automobile towed to a junkyard to be sent to China for scrap metal.
2. Commit to never riding in any fellow American’s fossil-fuel-powered killing machine ever again.
3. Delete your Uber and Lyft accounts, and commit to never taking another taxi.
4. Pledge to fly, domestically or internationally, only on those wind and solar-powered planes that are ever-so popular these days…..fossil-fuel-powered airliners (or aviation killing machines as I like to call them) should be a thing of the past. It might be a little harder to get to Europe or the Caribbean or Africa or Asia on wind or electric power, but this is the the very existence of humanity we are talking about. (If you are going to a climate change conference or working on the Bernie Sanders presidential campaign ignore this and fly first class, or better yet on Bernie’s private jet).
5. No more heating your home in the winter with oil or natural gas. I’ve heard that wind turbines can be quite good at keeping your New England home above 40 degrees during January and February.
6. Forget cow-tipping…it’s time for large-scale cow-killing, but not to eat them of course! It goes without saying that beef consumption is outrageously irresponsible, but we need to go further than that. Largescale round-up and execution of cattle is urgently needed to save us from the dangerous levels of methane they release into the air. You don’t want to die in twelve years do you?
7. 81% of our energy comes from oil, coal, and natural gas, but we are greedy Americans. We really don’t need to use all that energy, do we? We would be just fine with reducing our power consumption by 4/5th over night, right? So let’s shut down all of our oil, coal, and natural gas power plants, and conserve. What would happen to the blue collar workers AOC claims to champion? Well…we don’t need to worry about them. They’ll be fine.
8. Do you like boating? Perhaps on the ocean…a lake…a river…a little waterskiing…a trip to Nantucket or Martha’s Vineyard. Well…it’s time to destroy every fossil-fuel powered boat in America…so that we can start using those ever-so-popular solar-powered boats that I’ve been hearing so much about lately. I’m sure Martha’s Vineyard wouldn’t might being cut off from the mainland for the next 15 or 20 years while we perfect that new technology. Or, it would incentivize us to return to older forms of seafaring: it can’t take that long to get to the mainland in a canoe, right?
9. Have you ever operated any heavy machinery? Do you know how to start a chainsaw? Have you ever worked on a construction site? Well get ready for “Green New Deal” style building projects featuring all-renewable energy! Construction workers love AOC and the Green New Deal because they know more than anyone how insignificant fossil fuels are when it comes to major real estate, infrastructure, and transportation projects…..they can’t wait to get their hands on some of those wind-powered backhoes, solar-powered cranes, and geothermal steamrollers!
10. It’s not just enough to get rid of fossil fuel in your own life…you have to make sure that you aren’t benefiting in your personal life from fossil fuel, or helping anyone else who is. That package you were expecting from Amazon? Ask them to send it via geothermal drone. If a delivery driver shows up…no thank you! Did you order a pizza? Not unless it was delivered by skateboard, you didn’t. If you work in an office where others use fossil fuels in their daily lives as well, you are an accomplice.
Leading scientists like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Beto O’Rourke have told us that we only have twelve years to end our use of fossil fuels or our existence on this planet is over, so I don’t think I’m being unrealistic here. We can either stop using fossil fuels TOMORROW, or we all CAN DIE!!!
I can’t believe that the Senate just voted 57-0 AGAINST the Green New Deal today! Have they no shame! They actually want to kill us!
It’s time for high-school students nationwide to refuse to go to class until this wonderful piece of legislation is enacted into law: then they can work on overturning the Second Amendment, ensuring that every American has a “safe space” with warm cuddly stuffed animals to hug within walking distance…and guaranteeing economic security for “those unwilling to work.”